i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
