No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
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