dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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