I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
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