who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Can you repeat that, but with context?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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