I'm drive I can fine osifer
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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