You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
