I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
