If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
