speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
