Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
