This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
