I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I got inside last night via doggy door
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
