Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
