So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Randomize
