i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
