I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
