i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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