It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
