He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
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