What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
