Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
