She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
