Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
