Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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