Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
