Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
