a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
