:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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