Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
