Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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