This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
worst night to have a conscience
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
