his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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