I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
