school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
