well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
