she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I could fuck to npr.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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