i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Randomize
