Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
