You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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