Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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