REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
