you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
