Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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