I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
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