I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Randomize
