im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
