I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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