The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
