wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
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