Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
