i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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