he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
