i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
