So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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